Showing posts with label Tobey Maguire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tobey Maguire. Show all posts

Monday, February 07, 2022

Adventures In The Spider-Verse Part 2

This post picks up right from where Part 1 left off. Here, we follow Spider-Man as he enters development hell, slinging from deal to deal between studios until he finds a home with Sony.

After acquiring the rights to our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, Cannon Films execs Menahem Golan, and his cousin Yoram Globus hired Tobe Hooper (TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, POLTERGEIST) to direct. You see, Golan and Globus had never read the comic, and thought it would be a horror film like THE WOLF MAN. Marvel and co-creator Stan Lee hated their concept, Hooper left the project, and the producers went back to Spider-Man’s original premise.

I remember seeing this ad in Variety (I think) in 1986:


This reminds me of a scene in Tim Burton’s ED WOOD, in which filmmaker Wood (Johnny Depp) asks producer George Weiss: “Is there a script?” and Weiss answers “F***, no, But there’s a poster!”

There was also a trailer:


Cannon tried to keep the momentum going with a new Director, Joseph Zito (a few Chuck Norris flicks, one FRIDAY THE 13th sequel), and new screenwriters. They wanted Tom Cruise for the role of Peter Parker/Spider-Man, but settled on actor/Stuntman Scott Leva. Leva had portrayed Spider-Man at Marvel events and in print ads, but the whole enterprise was derailed by budget cuts, and bad business dealings that had Cannon headed for bankruptcy.

SPIDER-MAN: THE MOVIE continued to be in development hell, as it was re-written and re-written as it went from studio to studio. In 1990, another company that’s no longer with us, Carolco Pictures obtained the rights, and set about making a big ass action film helmed by James Cameron, a hot property after the successes of THE TERMINATOR, ALIENS, and THE ABYSS. Not a lot is known about this attempted version, that Cameron co-scripted, but Arnold Schwarzenegger was discussed as a candidate to play Doctor Octopus, one of Spider-Man’s biggest adversaries.

Of course, this fell through too, and despite the many millions spent, the series of screenplays written, the studios’ efforts, and all the lawsuits, our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man’s tour in development hell continued. Finally MGM acquired the rights, but exchanged them with Columbia for the rights to the James Bond series.


That brings us to Spider-Man’s big cinematic comeback in Sam Raimi’s epic 2002 adaptation SPIDER-MAN, which was a huge hit. Tobey Maguire became the first live-action Spider-Man in nearly quarter of a century. But what’s now become a bit of trivia is that the film’s first trailer, the first look at the new Spider-Man caused controversy because it featured our hero building a web between the twin towers of the World Trade Center, and was in heavy circulation in theaters when the tragedy of 9/11 occurred. Sony removed the trailer from theaters (you can find it on YouTube), and nixed a poster that also used WTC imagery.


I loved the newfangled SPIDER-MAN, and I remember thinking that I wished I could somehow send a copy of it to my six-year old self, because that kid would be blown away. It was the big-budget, star-studded, effects-driven epic that fans had waited a lifetime for.

SPIDER-MAN 2 was damn good too, with a great villain in Doctor Octopus (or Doc Ock), played by Alfred Molina. The special effects were even better than the first, as evidenced by its Academy Award win. Though it had its moments, the third entry was a bit of a comedown in quality. Sadly, it was the end of the Raimi/Maguire era of Spider-Man movies, and it would be five years until the franchise would be rebooted.


While I like Andrew Garfield, and am a big fan of Emma Stone, I wasn’t on board for 2012’s THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN. It felt like the Maguire installments had ended unsatisfactorily, and it was too soon to redo the character’s origin story. Ditto for its 2014 sequel, which for the most part, I barely remember.

Although THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN and its follow-up were box office smashes, its critical reception called for a new direction. Garfield was replaced by 19-year old British actor Tom Holland, whose Spider-Man made his debut in the Marvelverse in CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR. This was thanks to a rare deal between Sony and Marvel, that led to Holland appearing in two AVENGERS movies, and three solo Spider-Man films.


Following SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING and SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME, the third entry, SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME, may be fronted by Holland, but its real stars are his supporting cast. For this franchise does something that no other franchise has done before, it brings back two of the previous actors who starred in the role. Maguire and Garfield show up as the alternate versions from the multiverse of the character that we experienced in their movies. This concept was introduced in the 2018 animated adventure, SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE.

The summoning of past Spider-Mans isn’t the whole show, as seemingly every villain all three of our heroes fought in their films returns. There’s Doc Ock (Molina), The Green Goblin (Willem Dafoe), Electro (Jamie Fox), Lizard (Rhys Ifans), and Sandman (Thomas Haden Church), a roster of baddies that brings to mind the gathering of famous adversaries brought together in THE LAST ACTION HERO. 



NO WAY HOME could be seen as a sequel to Maguire’s trilogy, a follow-up to Garfield’s two film reign, as much as it is Holland’s third effort as Spider-Man, which will definitely not be his last as it’s the highest grossing movie of 2021.

The Spider-Man enterprise looks to be in good shape, maybe the best shape it’s been in since SPIDER-MAN 2 in 2004. The move to pay tribute to what’s come before is obviously fan-service, but it’s damn fine fan-service as it ties up some loose ends, particularly in Garfield’s case. The only thing that would make it better is if they had found a way to work Nicholas Hammond into it too. You know, for completist’s sake.

The takeaway here has got to be: You can never have too many Spider-Mans.

 

More later...

Adventures In The Spider-Verse Part 1


Not long ago, I finally caught up with the latest Marvel movie, SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME, which opened last December. I enjoyed the film, and it made me wax nostalgic about the different incarnations of Spider-Man I’ve experienced over the years. So join me as we take a trip back to a groovy time.


Note: Despite the image at the top of this post, this walk down Memory Lane doesnt include, except in passing, the many animated versions of Spider-Man, or the comics that ran through the decades covered here.

 

When I was a five or six year old in the ‘70s, I became a fan of the web slinger via his appearances on The Electric Company. This was an educational PBS program that ran from 1971-1977, and featured such stars as Rita Moreno, Morgan Freeman, and, uh, Bill Cosby. The show posited itself as the hip alternative or companion to Sesame Street, and one way they grabbed kids’ attention was to align themselves with one of the hippest comic book characters of the day.



The recurring sketches entitled “Spidey Super Stories,” starred Danny Seagren, a puppeteer and professional dancer, who made history as the first live-action Spider-Man. Seagren’s version of the superhero never spoke (except in silent word bubbles), never appeared unmasked as Peter Parker, and never fought any of his normal foes like Lizard, Dr. Octopus, the Green Goblin, who were replaced by such supposedly evil entities as the Can Crusher, Mr. Measles, and Spoiler (who I guess spoils endings to movies, ‘cause what else can it mean?). Freeman apparently honed his narrator chops here as he lent his distinctive voice to explain Spider-Mans motives to kids.

 

Over the run of 29 mini-episodes, Spider-Man was very popular with my elementary school mates who started collecting Spidey comics, and toys. My Mom even made me a Spider-Man costume, which I weirdly wore to school one regretful day. Anyway, the widespread love for The Electric Company shorts must’ve inspired somebody at CBS to give the already iconic character his own show.

 

The result, The Amazing Spider-Man, starring Nicholas Hammond (LORD OF THE FLIES, THE SOUND OF MUSIC, ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD), made its debut in September 1977. One could say Hammond was the first feature-length live-action Spider-Man as the series started off with a 2-hour TV movie, and was released theatrically overseas.



I remember watching the show, but feeling bored by it. Like in his previous post, he didn’t fight any classic baddies, and his demeanor was cold, devoid of the snappy one-liners that he spouted as much as he spun webs. 
Spider-Man co-creator Stan Lee said in an interview, “They left out the humor. They left out the human interest and personality, and playing up characterizations and personal problems.” 

 

I liked Hammond, and the effects were actually pretty good for the time, but the show wasn’t given any chance to grow as it was cancelled after only 13 episodes. So in 1979, after two television adaptations, the concept of a live-action Spider-Man was dead in the water.

 

That is, until the mid ‘80s, when Orion Pictures, and the B-movie master, Roger Corman, attempted to resurrect his corpse. Corman had the film rights to Spider-Man, but only briefly as his option expired, and Cannon Films swept in to give Marvel Comics $250,000, and a percentage of the gross, to make the first real SPIDER-MAN movie.


Coming up: The fate of the Cannon collaboration, the time that James Cameron was poised to take over the character, and the rebirth of the iconic web-slinger in the wake of 9/11.


Click here for Part 2


More later...

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

SPIDER-MAN Restarts


THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN (Dir. Mark Webb, 2012)



Sure, it may seem too soon to re-boot the Spider-man franchise, but it’s a big profitable series for Sony so, of course, they’re going to keep it going.

That’s fine, but despite a likable new cast, headed by Andrew Garfield taking over from Tobey Maguire as the webbed crusader, and an intriguing variation on the origin story, THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN seems more like a reconfigured remake than a brand new beginning.

Director Webb (fitting, huh?), recreates the aesthetics, tone, and formula of Sam Raimi's Spider-man trilogy so precisely that the movie can’t help but seem redundant. Especially when it hits the same story beats as the 2002 original. In this film’s origin story, Garfield’s Peter Parker, who is less of a dweeb than Macguire mostly due to his hip bedhead hair-do, gets bitten by a genetically-modified spider at an Oscorp Industries lab while trying to get to the bottom of mysterious death of his parents.

Oscorp, as folks well versed in Spider-man mythology should well know, is the ginormous weapons manufacturer, whose cross-species experiments really need to be better regulated.

Garfield’s love-interest (Emma Stone as Gwen Stacey), and adversary (Rhys Ifans as Dr. Curt Connors, later The Lizard), both work at the Oscorp Tower, which was almost added to the skyline in THE AVENGERS, where the film’s finale, arguably its most impressive CGI sequence, takes place.

We get to go through Uncle Ben attempting to be a father figure to our hero again, but since he’s played this time byMartin Sheen - I’m not complaining. Sally Field is also a successful, yet underused recasting, but Dennis Leary is the best change-up present as NYC Police Captain George Stacy (played in Spidey 3 by James Cromwell), Gwen’s father.

Leary has the best lines (such as“Thirty-eight of New York's finest, versus one guy in a unitard”), and his gruff cynical attitude fills in for the missing Daily Bugle Chief J. Jonah Jameson appropriately.

Garfield, Stone, and Ifans put in fine thoughtful performances, but there isn't much room for them to truly embody their characters. Though, in a movie like this, could there ever be?

As I said before, THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN covers many of the same plot points as the 2002 take but it doesn’t have as much fun with the material. Raimi’s version had a zip to it, and a strong sense of humor, that this film can’t match. Through an equally excellent sequel and a less liked, but still okay, third film, Raimi and Macguire rebranded the super hero for the modern age.

Here the web that Webb weaves (sorry, couldn’t resist), along with screenwriters James Vanderbilt (ZODIAC), Alvin Sargett (co-writter of SPIDER-MAN 2 & 3, and Steve Kloves (screenwriter of the bulk of the HARRY POTTER film series), is taken from the strands of the previous trilogy’s DNA.

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN is a reasonably well made comic book action film that has its moments - including possibly the best Stan Lee cameo in a Marvel movie ever - yet it still reeks of ‘been there, done that.’

There's just not enough of a new angle or fresh invention to make this essential viewing.

But if you haven’t seen any Spider-man movies before, maybe you’ll dig it. Or maybe if you just want another noisy summer super hero movie to take the kids to. If you haven’t already taken them to see THE AVENGERS, eh - this should do.

More later...

Sunday, June 17, 2007

A Few New Reviews & Doing The Wright Thing

"I went to the video store and asked if they had the movie with Nicolas Cage and Hayley Mills. It was shot in black and white on color film. It was the one where they lost the war because they made all of the submarines out of styrofoam. Then I realized that wasn't a movie, it was a dream I had. Then I thought how cool it would be to rent your dreams. The guy says, "that's not a movie, that was a dream you had." I said, "how did you know that?" He said, "you tried to rent it last week. "I said, "well, let me know when you get it in."" - Steven Wright Thanks for everybody's comments and suggestions on my last post - 20 Great Modern Movie Cameos. I'm compiling the best reader's picks and will post them soon so please stay tuned. This time out a few movies now playing at a theater near you and new DVDs as well as a local live review of one of the greatest comedians (and sometime film actor) ever so please read on - SWEET LAND (Dir. Ali Selim, 2005) This film has been around for a bit but only made its way to my local home town theater The Varsity this last week accompanied by the director who said this was his last stop on his publicity tour. Based on William Weaver's touching short story A Gravestone Made Of Wheat dealing with immigration issues and small town prejudices that delays the marriage of a German mail-order bride (Elizabeth Reaser) to a Norwegian immigrant farmer (Tim Guinee) in the days after World War I - SWEET LAND aims for a loving lyricism that for the most part it achieves. One of the only mis-steps are John Heard's Priest character who seems a bit off in tone to fully fit into the mechanics of this period piece - his "but I saw them dancing" dialogue feels a bit forced but Reaser is extremely beautiful (though her makeup is a bit much) and so is the Minnesota scenery. Remarking on the oft made comparisons to DAYS OF HEAVEN at the Q & A after the screening last friday night, director/writer Selim said "you can't shoot a field without people thinking you're referencing Terrence Mallick". Good point though for a first time film maker to be placed in such lofty company should make him as proud as he should be for this solid absorbing debut. Also in theaters : PARIS, JE T'AIME (Directed by 18 different directors including the Coen Bros, Alexander Payne, Wes Craven, Gus Van Sant, Tom Twyker, Alfonso Cuaron, and Isabel Coixet) In 1988 NEW YORK STORIES featured 3 short films made by master directors Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese, and Francis Ford Coppola that collectively formed a valentine to the grand city. Multiply that by 6 and add a bit of LOVE ACTUALLY change the locale to Paris and you've got PARIS, JE T'AIME (translates to Paris, I love you). Much like its predessesors it's a mixed bag but with nearly 20 movie makers how could it not be? At its effective best it's as good as movies can get particularly the Coen Brothers-Steve Buscemi as a tourist in a subway segment which is the best thing the Coens have done since THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE. Other successful bits are "Place des fĂȘtes" by Oliver Schmitz which has a dying man falling in love with his paramedic and Alexander Payne's gorgeous "14e arrondissement" also about a tourist enjoying a profound day sight seeing. Even the misfires are interesting - Sylvain Chomet's "Tour Eiffel" about mimes in love is too cutesy but it's breezy enough and "Quartier de la Madeleine" by Vincenzo Natali with Elijah Wood and Olga Kurylenko is only useful if you've ever wondered how vampires make out. The Maggie Gyllenhall and Natalie Portman portions are annoying but then maybe it's just them that's annoying - I can't decide.With it's amazing photography and ratio of good material over bad PARIS, JE T'AIME deserves to be seen in theaters though it will also be fun later to skip and choose the best bits from the DVD platter. It's the tastiest anthology film I've ever been served. Just released on DVD - THE GOOD GERMAN (Dir. Steven Soderbergh, 2006) Shot in black and white with its white washed exterior shots and rear projection when driving scenes THE GOOD GERMAN achieves beautifully the exact aesthetic of a film shot in 1945 so much that you may forget it's a current release and think you are watching Turner Movie Classics. Its got the look down but unfortunately it doesn't feel authentic. Soderbergh regular George Clooney plays a journalist who arrives in Berlin just after World War II has ended but the shadows and treachery still linger. He finds out that his scheming motor pool driver (Tobey Maguire) has been seeing Clooney's former lover (Cate Blanchett)- a prostitute with a complicated dark background. Well if you've read my reviews you know I'm not one for detailed plot descriptions so that's all you'll get. Overlong and undercooked with a cast that is as stiff as Mount Rushmoore (with the exception of the overacting Maguire who is completely out of his depth here), this film adds nothing to the great noir genre and left me feeling afterwards like I saw a bad CASABLANCA cover band. I'm sure after they were finished with this sober straight faced old school exercise I bet Clooney and Soderbergh were dying to get trashed and party it up OCEAN'S style. A write-up of a live performance by a comedian? Isn't this supposed to be a film blog? Well I think Mr. Wright's connection to the world of movies is pretty undeniable especially since he's won an Oscar damnit! (For the short film THE APPOINTMENTS OF DENNIS JENNINGS - 1988) So hush your bitchin' and let me babble on : "When I was a little kid I wish the first word I ever said was the word 'quote' so right before I died I could say 'unquote.'" STEVEN WRIGHT live at the Carolina Theater, Durham June 6th, 2007 - I've seen Steven Wright before - in 1985 at Memorial Hall here in Chapel Hill and it was one of the funniest performances of stand-up I've ever seen. With a load of new material and a reputation from years of movie appearances (see below) and TV guest shots Wright walked onstage to thunderous applause early this month. Although the audience was familliar with a lot of his act (a recent Comedy Central special and DVD release When The Leaves Blow Away documents the new stuff) just about every line killed and it was fascinating to see him experiment with some lines that were obviously works in progress. He did about an hour and 40 minutes never losing momentum and I believe he only used a handful of jokes he had done 22 years earlier (pretty sure "I got arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli" and the bit about Harry Houdini locking his keys in his car were repeated) but these one liners are like classic crowd pleasers so that's not really a criticism. He even played 2 songs on the guitar - one was introduced as a song he wrote when he was three years old - "the kittie's trying to kill me". So nice in these stupid celebrity obsessed times to have a non-topical apolitical clever crafty comedian still going strong and gaining new generations of fans. Can't wait to see him again in 2029! Wright was considered for my Cameos post last time out but didn't make the list so I thought I'd take this occasion to pay tribute to the great man with this handy dandy list : 5 Great Wright Roles 1. NATURAL BORN KILLERS (Dir. Oliver Stone, 1994) Maybe the closest to a dramatic part as Wright's ever done, uh well no not really. Dr. Emil Reingold is pure Wright through and through. When told by Robert Downey Jr. - "Mallory Knox has said that she wants to kill you."He responds in a matter of fact manner - "I never really believe what women tell me." 2. HALF BAKED (Dir. Tamra Davis, 1998) Uncredited and only known as The Guy On The Couch Wright has very few lines - "is it January?" he asks at one point but everybody always remembers his part in this aptly named pot comedy. Well, at least all my stoner friends do. 3. CANADIAN BACON (Dir. Michael Moore, 1995) Quite possibly the only legitimately funny part of Moore's only non documentary flop comedy Wright appears at his laconic lucid finest as "RCMP Officer at Headquarters". Thinking that there's a war with Canada angry American invaders (John Candy, Kevin J. O'Connor, Bill Nunn) are further angered by Wright's Canadian tongue - "I don't know what you're talking aboot, eh?" Bill Nunn yells in Wright's face - "Aboot! It's ABOUT! And what's with this 'eh' business?!!? 4. COFFEE AND CIGARETTES (Dir. Jim Jarmusch, 2003) In the opening short film "Strange To Meet You" Wright meets Roberto Benigni for a cup of coffee and yes cigarettes. Fimed in 1986 the scene is relatively meaningless beyond its basic description but there is a palatable amusing sense of awkwardness when these guys styles mix - Benigni sure doesn't get Wright's caffeine popsicle bit. Credited as Steven he has one energetic moment - "I like to drink a lot of coffee right before I go to sleep, so I can dream faster." You can see the clip here. 5. SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER (Dir. Thomas Schlamme, 1993) Another near lame movie saved from complete lame-ocity because of a Wright appearance. As a pilot of a small plane he scares the Hell out of passenger Mike Myers with his admission that he has never flown at night and when pointing at the instrument panel he says "that's the artificial horizon, which is better than the actual horizon." Notable mention goes to his DJ voice-over in RESERVOIR DOGS, his take on the infamous naughty joke in THE ARISTOCRATS, and his film debut in 1984 as Larry Stillman D.D.S. in DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN (which was Madonna's film debut too by the way). More later...

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

5 Things Spider-Man 3 Got Pretty RIGHT / 5 Things It Got Drastically WRONG


So yeah, I saw Sam Raimi's big new superhero sequel SPIDER-MAN 3, which opened last weekend. It's been getting tremendous amount of backlash - for example, Manohla Dargis of the New York Times called it "aesthetically and conceptually wrung out." Many others have lamented that the fun has gone out of the series, and while I wouldn't exactly say that, I do agree that it is a very mixed bag. Here's how mixed:

5 Things SPIDER-MAN 3 Got Pretty RIGHT: 

1. Much better special effects: In the first two installments, Spider-man (Tobey Maquire) web-slinging his way from building to building looked video gamey, and at times borderline absurd, but now has a fluid graceful believability. 

Nice to see that the reportedely most expensive movie ever has its money up there on the screen.

2. The Sandman: 


Thomas Haden Church is perfectly cast as escaped felon Flint Marco who accidentally fell into an experimental particle physics site that molecularly binds him with sand, so he gets fantastical shape-shifting powers. Like all the villains in the franchise he's really not evil deep down in his heart - he's just computer generated that way.

3. The Black Suit: Yep, shiny goth Spidey looks pretty cool. That was evident in the trailers from a year ago though. But no - I'm not gonna copy 'n paste that same ole brooding dark SPIDERMAN in "the thinker" pose promo photo and post it here.

4. Venom: Though only named in the credits - a satisfyingly scary villain (especially when he grits his teeth) albeit in a movie with one villain too many - damn I said I'd save the cons and there I went again. Anyway since the other half of this element is covered in the cons I'll just say this - Venom has bite. 

5. The obligatory yet hugely satisfying Stan Lee and Bruce Campbell cameos: Appropriately cheesy Spider-man creator Stan Lee's quick pep-talk appearance to a battered soul-fried Parker hits the spot - "You know, I guess one person really can make a difference...". You tell him Marvel Man! And wouldn't we all feel cheated if we didn't get Bruce Campbell for the third time to cameo? His pretentious French Maitre d' may not have anything on John Cleese in MONTY PYTHON'S THE MEANING OF LIFE but in this film it's one of the only bits of comedy that worked - "I love romance. I am French."

Now to let the disses truly fly: 

5 things SPIDERMAN 3 got drastically WRONG:

1. J.K. Simmons: As newspaper editor J. Jonah Jameson Simmons was dead on in the first 2 installments but here his fast talking manipulative shtick is tired, unfunny and only annoys the audience every time he appears. 

Maybe it was Simmons' Simpsons appearance from last season that fully wore down the character - "stop the presses, send my wife some flowers, get me an Advil - what do you mean you don't work for me? You're hired! Now that you're hired you're fired. Now that you don't work here we can be friends - now that we're friends how come you don't call? Some friend you are!" I guess once the Simpsons has got you down your gig is up.

2. The Harry Osbourn (James Franco) amnesia subplot: As a writer I always dislike the "he lost his memory" plot-line that has been a longtime cheat of sitcoms, - Hell it made me swear off the show 24 forever. Despite that Franco sells it to the best of his ability, It's such lazy screenwriting to have Harry conveniently have his recent revenge fueled memory erased after such an unimpressive alleyway tussle with our hero.

3. Kirsten Dunst sings 2 songs: Yes, I know it's from the original comic that Mary Jane Watson is an aspiring actress, a wannabe Broadway singing star, but nobody, and I mean nobody, was buying a ticket to see her warble through two complete numbers. Show stoppers in the worst way.

4. The extended black gunk from outer space that turns Peter Parker into an asshole sequence: Yes, the black suit looks cool, as I noted above, but the gunk, an alien symbiote (some sort of parasite) coming from a small meteorite that attaches itself to Spidey's suit brings out the jerk in Parker in a painful sequence. Looking like strands of Twistler's candy dipped in tar - the ooze infiltrates Peter's nice guy mentality and promptly makes him strut around Manhattan with an entitled attitude, which makes him come on like Jim Carrey in BRUCE ALMIGHTY. This whole bit should have been a deleted scene. 

5. Topher Grace/ The Overall Bloat : I loop these together because as scary cool as Venom was and maybe that was because it's the only less-is-more element here - the entire Topher Grace origins of the character are lame, it comes in way too late in the story to have proper impact. Grace's overall smarminess is pretty hard to stomach too. 

The two and a half hour flick is crammed with too many incidental characters and go nowhere plot threads. Also, do we seriously need a scene of Franco and Dunst making an omelet? Repeated appearances by Peter's landlord and daughter Ursula? Really?! And did I mention Kirsten Dunst sings two full songs?!!? Okay, well at least I got that all out of my system.

More later...