"This town is like a great big chicken just waitin' to get plucked.” - Tony Montana (Al Pacino) from the edited for television edit of SCARFACE (1983) * (If you need to know the original line email the address below)
Usually I avoid when movies are shown on broadcast television because they're edited-for-time full-screen versions - I mean it's almost like they don't count. But sometimes when I come upon a movie I like when changing channels I've found they are sometimes worth watching for the re-dubbing of profane lines.
SCARFACE above, and THE EXORCIST are famous for their creative hilarious for-all-audiences re-toolings. Not content to just use 'freak' or 'freaking' the censors picked every other f-word (frozen, fruitful, foolish, etc.) in the dictionary to cover all the 'fucks' in a recent airing of FARGO. It's quite a different movie when you see Steve Buscemi yelling "you foolish people!" after being shot in the face you know?
These are some other funny examples:
THE BIG LEBOWSKI (1998)
Original line : "You see what happens Larry, when you fuck a stranger in the ass?"
- Walter (John Goodman)
Edited line : “You see what happens Larry when you find a stranger in the Alps?”
"This is what happens when you pump a stranger's gas!" and “What the frog?” – Barry (Jack Black)
HIGH FIDELITY (2000)
THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY (1998)
- Ted (Ben Stiller) to Pat (Matt Dillon)
“Come on maggot farmer, move!”
- Pvt. Chris Taylor (Charlie Sheen)
Original Line: "How'd you get that scar? Eating pussy?"
- Immigration Officer (Garnett Smith)
Edited Line: “how’d you get that scar? Eating Pineapple?” (also “pudding”)
THE USUAL SUSPECTS (1995)
Original Line: : "Hand me the keys you fucking cock sucker"
- spoken by all 5 suspects (Kevin Pollack, Stephen Baldwin, Benicio Del Toro, Gabriel Byrne, and Kevin Spacey) in the police line up.
Edited Line: "Hand me the keys you fairy godmother."
DIE HARD (1988)
Original Line: "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"
- John McClane (Bruce Willis)
Edited Line: "Yippie-kye-ay, Mister Falcon!"
LETHAL WEAPON (1987)
2 lines both spoken by one of the candidates for MAN OF THE YEAR 2006 - Mel Gibson as lovable suicidal cop Martin Riggs :
"We bury the funsters!”
"I'm a real cop, this is a real badge and this is a real firing gun!"
Original Line : "You're a fuckin' mumblin', stutterin' little fuck"
Tommy (Joe Pesci)
Edited Line : "You're a friggin' mumblin', stutterin' little fink."
THE EXORCIST (1973)
Original Line: "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!"-
Regan (Linda Blair) possessed by Pazuzu (voice - Mercedes MacCambridge)
Edited Line: "Your mother sews socks that smell!"
PULP FICTION (1994)
Original Line : "I got my eyes wide fuckin' open!"
- Jules (Samuel L. Jackson)
Edited Line: "I got my eyes wide focused open!"
"You're gonna be a real mothercrasher!"
- Bob Morton (Miguel Ferrer)
Send your favorite 'edited for TV' lines to: Boopbloop7@gmail.com
So if Peter O'Toole was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving would his mug shot look an better or worse than the poster for his latest film?
And all I want to know about this movie is -
does it have a montage?