MIRROR MIRROR: Painful Pap Through And Through

MIRROR MIRROR (Dir. Tarsem Singh, 2012)

After a gorgeous animated opening, this new fangled take on Snow White goes downhill faster than a wheelbarrow full of bricks.

I was won over by director Singh’s 2006 fantasy film THE FALL, but he lost me with the grueling action epic IMMORTALS (2011). Now Singh takes aim at the fairy tale rom com genre, and misfires miserably.

The first and biggest mistake was the huge commercial concession of casting Julia Roberts in the role of the evil Queen. Roberts is unbearably smug and she never truly embodies the part; she never even comes close to nibbling on the scenery.

Mellissa Wallack and Jason Keller’s sitcom-ish screenplay doesn’t help Roberts out either. Every one of her one-liners falls flat – take for instance her lame wise-crack that Snow White’s parents named her that “probably because that was the most pretentious name they could think of.” And that’s one of the better lines.

The twist on the premise is that the classic story is told from the Queen’s point of view, but they really don’t follow through with that as much of the movie concentrates on Snow White (Lily Collins) befriending 7 dwarves (lots of little people humor here, none of which will make anyone forget “Time Bandits”), and falling in love with a visiting Prince (Arnie Hammer)

There’s still a fair amount of Singh’s visual mastery, including swooping shots of the cliff-side castle and the striking landscape surrounding it, but the screen is mostly filled with synthetic looking sets as background to the hammy cringe-inducing acting of the cast.

Nathan Lane and Michael Lerner play the Queen’s sniveling stooges and, yep, they’re just as clunky as everything else here - though Lane has a few moments that almost amuse.

The first of 2 Snow White movies coming out this year (the darker SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN comes out in June), the slick unfunny MIRROR MIRROR is a painful pap through and through. A scene involving Roberts’ beauty regimen that involves bird feces being applied to her face is probably the most painful part, but a scenario in which a spell is put on Hammer which makes him act like a dog is up there.

I was so happy when it was over, especially as the end credits contains a tacky dance number set to a re-working of a Nina Hart song (“Love”) featuring a vocoded vocal by Snow White star Lily Collins (she’s Phil Collins daughter, you see).

At least the movie was consistent in one respect - it kept me cringing right up until the very end.

More later...

LARRY CROWNE: The Film Babble Blog Review

LARRY CROWNE (Dir. Tom Hanks, 2011)

Initially, it's kinda neat to see Tom Hanks as just another average Joe for the first time in ages. He's playing a divorced man who prides himself on being named Employee of the Month repeatedly at the ficticious U-Mart (a Walmart-like big box store) he's worked at since retiring as a Navy cook.

Thing is, Hank's wide-eyed ernest title character never went to college, so he gets told by the store's higher-ups (including Rob Riggle) that they have to lay him off.

Hanks buys a motorscooter at his neighbor Cedric the Entertainer's permanent yard sale, so he can save money on gas, and applies to every retail outlet in the area. He learns over and over again that times are tough. Mainly because folks keep saying that out loud.

Hanks enrolls in community college where he befriends a fellow scooter rider classmate Gugu Mbatha-Raw, and falls in love with his professor (Julia Roberts somehow seeming bored and smug simultaneously) who teaches a class called "The Art of Informal Remarks." No really.

If it feels like I'm rushing through the plot it's only because there isn't much of one. A UP IN THE AIR-type premise about the bleak job situation doesn't go anywhere, and neither do any of the cutesy collection of comic bits that Hanks strains to set up.

Hanks' first film as director, THAT THING YOU DO (1996), was a trivial but highly likable musical comedy, so I had hopes that his second try at helming a vehicle would have something more going for it than what the trailers were suggesting. No such luck.

This flimsy film also features Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston in a horribly written role as Roberts' no good writer husband who spends more time looking at internet porn than working at home, and That '70s Show's Wilmer Valderrama as MBatha-Raw's jealous boyfriend, which is also a thankless uninspired part.

Only Lietenant Sulu from Star Trek himself, George Takei as a Economics proffesor has a few moments of something slightly resembling funny.

Hanks has blandly assembled a half-assed rom com out of very limited material, stitched together with empty quasi-inspirational sentiment, and Tom Petty songs.

After watching this film I can't answer who Larry Crowne is. Hanks' everyman appeal fades in the first 10 minutes and we never learn nothing about why his marriage ended or why he so loved his retail job before he was canned.

There's nothing interesting about Roberts' character either - she's a jaded educator, that's all I got. So why should we care if they get together?

I can't think of a single reason.

More later...

A DVD Delight & A Few Disses for April 2004

And now for some new release DVD reviews. One which I found delightful, the other two I am dissing:

MELVIN GOES TO DINNER (Dir. Bob Odenkirk, 2003) 

I wish there were more movies like this these days! Thoughtful character-driven comedies are getting harder and harder to come by. It's like an updated MY DINNER WITH ANDRE times 2! Four people (Michael Blieden, Stephanie Courtney, Annabelle Gurwitch, and Matt Price) with loose and not-so-loose connections to one another by chance meet for dinner at a posh LA eatery, and discuss everything from the supernatural to relationship etiquette with funny insights aplenty.

Based on the stage play by Blieden (who plays Melvin) and gracefully directed by Bob Odenkirk (of Mr. Show fame) the core cast is enhanced by amusing cameos from David Cross, Fred Armisen, Jack Black, Melora Walters, and Odenkirk himself. Highly recommended.

The DVD has a few great extras: a hilarious short film about an ill-fated film festival appearance by the filmmakers and some of the cast and two different commentaries that are as funny and interesting as the film itself.

DVD DISSES:

MONA LISA SMILE (Dir. Mike Newell, 2003) 

A chick flick even a chick-flick lover would hate. It would be too convenient to label it as a female DEAD POET'S SOCIETY; it's more like a trumped-up Facts Of Life episode. Watch only if you want to see such new hopefuls as Maggie Gyllenhall, Kristen Dunst, Ginnifer Goodwin, and especially Marcia Gay Harden being wasted in a dreary one dimensional period piece. Julia Roberts fans should be used to this type of thing though.

SECONDHAND LIONS (Dir. Tim McCanlies, 2003)

In less than 3 minutes the premise is set: Haley Joel Osment is dropped off by his scamming Southern-Belle Mama (Krya Sedgewick) to spend the summer with his eccentric uncles Michael Caine and Robert Duvall who mysteriously have a treasure of millions of dollars hidden somewhere on their farm property. 

Incredibly hokey yarn that even tries to work in a PRINCESS BRIDE style back-story in the form of Caine's tensely told tales to Osment while Duvall overacts like a sleep-walking lovesick winner of the SNL game show sketch “Who's More Grizzled?” You could do worse than to sit through this pleasant pap but then you could do a lot better. A whole lot better.

More to come...