MIRROR MIRROR: Painful Pap Through And Through

MIRROR MIRROR (Dir. Tarsem Singh, 2012)

After a gorgeous animated opening, this new fangled take on Snow White goes downhill faster than a wheelbarrow full of bricks.

I was won over by director Singh’s 2006 fantasy film THE FALL, but he lost me with the grueling action epic IMMORTALS (2011). Now Singh takes aim at the fairy tale rom com genre, and misfires miserably.

The first and biggest mistake was the huge commercial concession of casting Julia Roberts in the role of the evil Queen. Roberts is unbearably smug and she never truly embodies the part; she never even comes close to nibbling on the scenery.

Mellissa Wallack and Jason Keller’s sitcom-ish screenplay doesn’t help Roberts out either. Every one of her one-liners falls flat – take for instance her lame wise-crack that Snow White’s parents named her that “probably because that was the most pretentious name they could think of.” And that’s one of the better lines.

The twist on the premise is that the classic story is told from the Queen’s point of view, but they really don’t follow through with that as much of the movie concentrates on Snow White (Lily Collins) befriending 7 dwarves (lots of little people humor here, none of which will make anyone forget “Time Bandits”), and falling in love with a visiting Prince (Arnie Hammer)

There’s still a fair amount of Singh’s visual mastery, including swooping shots of the cliff-side castle and the striking landscape surrounding it, but the screen is mostly filled with synthetic looking sets as background to the hammy cringe-inducing acting of the cast.

Nathan Lane and Michael Lerner play the Queen’s sniveling stooges and, yep, they’re just as clunky as everything else here - though Lane has a few moments that almost amuse.

The first of 2 Snow White movies coming out this year (the darker SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN comes out in June), the slick unfunny MIRROR MIRROR is a painful pap through and through. A scene involving Roberts’ beauty regimen that involves bird feces being applied to her face is probably the most painful part, but a scenario in which a spell is put on Hammer which makes him act like a dog is up there.

I was so happy when it was over, especially as the end credits contains a tacky dance number set to a re-working of a Nina Hart song (“Love”) featuring a vocoded vocal by Snow White star Lily Collins (she’s Phil Collins daughter, you see).

At least the movie was consistent in one respect - it kept me cringing right up until the very end.

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Scamming On THIN ICE

Now playing in Raleigh at the Colony Theater:

THIN ICE (Dir. Jill Sprecher, 2011) 

 
This film starts out in an insurance salesman convention world much like that of CEDAR RAPIDS, then travels through the icy murderous terrain of FARGO, winding up in an elaborate con-job scenario reminiscent of MATCHSTICK MEN.

A money-grubbing Wisconsin insurance agent (Greg Kinnear), on the outs from his wife (Lea Thompson), plots to steal a extremely valuable vintage violin from an old senile client (Kinnear’s LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE co-star Alan Arkin).

As you probably guessed, the scheme doesn’t go smoothly, especially since a burglar-alarm technician/ex-con (Billy Crudup) gets involved, and somebody gets killed.

Crudup takes a Polaroid of Kinnear with the body so he can blackmail him into disposing of it through a fishing hole in a frozen lake. Then it turns out the violin is worth more than the $30,000 Kinnear initially thought - it’s appraised by an antique musical instrument dealer (a perfectly cast Bob Balaban) at 1.2 million. This can only make these greedy unlikable people greedier and more unlikable.

Kinnear has got the desperate slime-ball shtick down, and Crudup fills out the ticks of his, also morally challenged, character nicely, but the all too familiar thriller mechanics keep the film from really taking hold.

It also doesn’t help that composer Jeff Danna cribs from Carter Burwell’s FARGO soundtrack; the comparisons to that Coen Brothers classic can only call out the faults of THIN ICE.

The film was originally titled “The Convincer,” but it was re-cut and re-titled to director and co-writer Sprecher’s chagrin. I’d love to see the original version, because there’s a considerable amount of promise in this material. 


I seriously suspect that the short choppy scenes that make up much of the movie are the result of studio interference and that Sprecher’s cut handled the narrative much better, and possibly achieved more of a connection to the characters. Of course, that’s just speculation, or wishful thinking.


As it stands now, THIN ICE goes by briskly but with little impact. It’s a competent scam movie, but it’ll only con you into thinking you’re having a good time.

In the moment you may feel entertained, but afterwards you’re left with only memories of other movies.

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JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME: The Film Babble Blog Review

Now playing in Raleigh at the Colony Theater:

JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME (Dirs. Jay Duplass & Mark Duplass, 2011) 

This is a day in the life of 2 brothers: one’s a slacker, the other a jerk. Jason Segel, in the title role, is the slacker - a jobless 30-year-old pot-smoking lug whose life philosophy is based on the movie SIGNS. That’s right, M. Night Shyamalan’s SIGNS.

The jerk is a goateed Ed Helms as the older brother, a paint-store salesman whose marriage to Judy Greer (last seen in “The Descendants”) may be in trouble.

Susan Sarandon plays their widowed mother who gets Segel’s day going when she calls home from her cubicle in an unspecified office to ask him to get some wood glue.

Actually it’s a phone call Segel got earlier that really sets the day in motion - a wrong number asking for somebody named Kevin. “What if there is no wrong numbers?” Segel speculates, “What if it’s always the right number?”

So Segel leaves his Baton Rouge, Louisiana (the filmmakers' home town) basement dwelling to go get wood glue, but he gets caught up in a seemingly random series of events, most of which are triggered by the name Kevin coincidentally popping up at odd times. “There are no coincidences” I’m sure Segel’s Jeff would say.

While at a business meeting (or so he says) at Hooters, Helms happens to see Segel walking by. Sarandon had phoned Helms earlier asking him to help get his brother moving so, of course, Segel sees this as another sign. Their destinies take a turn when the brothers happen upon seeing Helm’s wife Greer out with another man (Steve Zissus).

They follow and spy on Greer and Zissus (Helms is either too scared or stupid to confront them), ending up at a hotel (after Segel gets diverted by another Kevin sign). This is where the film most successfully balances humor with heartfelt drama. We can see why Greer would cheat on the thickheaded Helms, and we feel Segel’s compassion for his brother’s predicament, as airheaded as it is.

The characters are better drawn and play off each other more believably than in the Duplass brother’s previous films (THE PUFFY CHAIR, BAGHEAD, CYRUS), and the film certainly feels sincere without any cynical snarkiness. Just like Jeff.

I was less annoyed by the brothers’ shaki-cam framing too.

A subplot involving Sarandon and co-worker Rae Dawn Chong trying to figure out who a secret admirer at work is gets a bit cutesy, but it doesn’t detract from the overall charm and likability of this simple story.

Segel’s Jeff loves the film SIGNS because “everything comes together in one perfect moment.”

The Duplass brothers haven’t pulled off perfection here, but this sure is a terrifically unpretentious attempt.

And it’s way better than SIGNS.

More later...