The Film Babble Blog Top 10 Worst Movies Of 2007

Oscar season is now officially over and we've basked in the glory of a great year for film for long enough, so now it's time to look at the not so great movies of 2007.

Actually "not so great" is being too kind - these were wretched evil slabs of celluloid sent from Hell to taint our collective unconscious and will make us all pay a higher psychic price than we can possibly imagine (as the late great comedian Bill Hicks would say). So let's warm our hands on the fire as we throw these movies back to from where they came one by one:

1. WILD HOGS (Dir. Walt Becker)

Hard to believe this was one of the biggest box office hits of the year. It's a CITY SLICKERS-ish mid-life crisis tale with motorcycles instead of horses padded out with bathroom humour, gay-panic jokes, and tired stupid sitcom plotting. We're used to seeing Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, and even John Travolta slumming it in such unfunny cinematic crap but why did William H. Macy and Marissa Tomei have to be dragged down with them? Read my original review here.

2. REDACTED (Dir. Brian DePalma)

This has been a really bad year for films about the Iraq war with audiences staying away from both documentaries like NO END IN SIGHT and dramas like LIONS FOR LAMBS. Of course, it doesn't help the cause when the movie is actually really bad like DePalma's misguided, horribly named, unaffecting mess REDACTED.

Through the conceit that the fictional (though based on a real incident) tale of a troop in Samarra who are involved with the rape and murder of an innocent 14 year old Iraqi girl and the killing of her family is told by one of the soldier's hand held videocams, fake cable TV footage, and simulated YouTube clips we just get the same old bottom line: War Is Hell. Worse yet this obnoxious exercise comes across like it's more down on the troops than the war.

3. Tie: GHOST RIDER (Dir. Mark Steven Johnson) / NEXT (Dir. Lee Tamhori)

A Nicholas Cage double whammy! Actually if I had seen the sequel to the awful NATIONAL TREASURE that came out last December this may have been a triple whammy. In NEXT a clever Philip K. Dick short story is awfully adapted into a boring by-the-numbers action movie formula while GHOST RIDER takes its comic book source and well...also awfully adapts it into an equally lame action movie. Come on Cage! We all know you have another ADAPTATION or WILD AT HEART in you, so why do you have to keep giving us this pap? Read my original review of GHOST RIDER here. 

4. THE NUMBER 23 (Dir. Joel Schumacher) This is the stupidest film in Jim Carrey's entire career and with a filmography that includes the ACE VENTURA movies and especially DUMB AND DUMBER that is really saying something. As a wise-cracking dogcatcher who starts seeing the number of the title everywhere and they start piling up as clues to a long unresolved murder. Wait! It gets stupider - read my original review here.

5. FACTORY GIRL (Dir. George Hickenlooper) A vicious disapointment in the department of biopics of C-List celebrities. Sure, model and 60's "It girl" Edie Sedgewick (played by Sienna Miller) was a wasted vapid Warhol groupie but she deserved better than this putrid portrait. My review is of course, right here.

6. 1408 (Mikael Håfström) John Cusack in a hotel room from Hell. That's pretty much it. Want more of a description of the Stephen King derived suckitude contained within? Click on this. 

7. SHOOT ‘EM UP (Dir. Michael Davis) At one point Clive Owen says: "You know what I hate? I hate those lame action movies where the good guy calls just one person who ends up betraying him." Me? I hate lame action movies like this. Even one in which ace actor Paul Giamatti (talk about slumming it!) plays the bad guy. After CHILDREN OF MEN Owen must have hesitated to do another 'save an important baby from evil forces' movie but maybe he just decided that the price was right. I never reviewed this bombastic blockbuster wannabe for good reason.

8. YEAR OF THE DOG (Dir. Mike White) I like former SNL cast member turned film lead actress Molly Shannon. I like the supporting cast including Regina King, Peter Scaarsgard, John C. Reilly, and Laura Dern. I like screenwriter/director Mike White. Also I like dogs. But I really didn't like this awkward indie comedy, and by the end of it wanted to put it to sleep. Read about how it rubbed me the wrong way here.

9. BUG (Dir. William Friedkin)

A ridiculous conspiracy minded thriller with hammy overacting and silly twists. Normally I love ridiculous conspiracy minded thrillers with hammy overacting and silly twists but Friedkin really doesn't bring it here. Read my review of the DVD here. 

10. THE TEN (Dir. David Wain) 

A sketch comedy film without a single laugh. Paul Rudd, whose smug detachment helps him walk off unscathed from this dreck, is the presenter of 10 vignettes ostensibly based on the morals of the 10 commandments featuring the usually reliable members of comic ensembles from the TV cult favorites The State and Stella who have all done good funny work before. WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER this ain't. My original review? Never wrote one - in fact this is the most I ever want to write about this mean minded offensive unfunny doggerel. Next time I won't mince words.

More later...

The Magnificent Andy-Clones

“Andy Warhol looks a scream, hang him on my wall. Andy Warhol, Silver Screen, Can't tell them apart at all.” - David Bowie (“Andy Warhol" off the album Hunky Dory - 1971)

Pop-art pioneer (and filmmaker - though the worth of his cinematic output is highly debatable) Andy Warhol has been portrayed by a host of notable actors since his death in 1987. The latest was Guy Pearce earlier this year in the Edie Sedgwick bio-pic FACTORY GIRL (newly released on DVD and reviewed below). How does Pearce rate compared to the other Andys? Well, let's see...we'll start off with:

Crispin Glover in THE DOORS (Dir. Oliver Stone, 1991) Definitely the best Andy though the next contender comes close, Glover scores because he is in real life almost as eccentric and creepy as Warhol was. Appearing very briefly in an extremely caricaturized version of the Factory scene Jim Morrison (Val Kilmer) in his usual stoned haze stumbles upon Andy holding court and fondling a gold telephone - "Somebody gave me this telephone... I think it was Edie... yeah it was Edie... and she said I could talk to God with it, but uh... I don't have anything to say... so here...this is for you...now you can talk to God." Morrison takes the phone but doesn't make an attempt to speak to the Grand Deity - perhaps he knew he'd get his chance soon enough.

David Bowie in BASQUIAT (Dir. Julian Schnabel, 1996) With his incredibly informed interpretation (he even wore some of Andy's actual wigs) of Warhol's mannerisms Bowie benefited from actually personally knowing the man. Though from everything I've ever read possibly nobody really personally ever knew the man. Bowie's performance is all verbal ticks and unctuous posing framed by a laid-back lackadaisical hands-off approach. Warhol reportedly hated Bowie's song "Andy Warhol" (quoted at the top of this blog post) but something tells me he would've been honored by this depiction. He probably would've thought Bowie made him look fabulous.


Jarred Harris in I SHOT ANDY WARHOL (Dir. Mary Hurrin, 1996) This movie perhaps has the most accurate, or at least most believable, simulation of the Factory scene. Extra points for casting indeliable indie-rockers Yo La Tengo to play The Velvet Underground too. Harris has quite a bit more energy than the others in his characterization of Warhol but it's convincing and captivating at the same time. Dealing with the odd assassination attempt by radical feminist and sociopath Valerie Solanas (played by Lili Taylor) the film, despite a non-endorsement from Lou Reed, made quite a case for how Warhol's smug indifference to the violent nature of the turbulent times could be deadly.

Gregory Sullivan in 54 (Dir. Michael Christopher, 1998) This isn't really a performance - more like a costume party likeness. That is almost any pale skinny bloke can don the glasses and astronaut-silver wig and pull off a Warhol impression. Especially in the crowd scenes that dominate this empty as Hell misreading of historical decadence.

Mark Bringleson - AUSTIN POWERS: INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY (Dir. Jay Roach, 1997) Ditto. It's a throwaway fake cameo - nothing more.

And the rest : Warhol was also played by Bob Swain in DEATH BECOMES HER (Dir. Robert Zemeckis, 1992), Sergio De Beukelaer in ANY WAY THE WIND BLOWS (Dir. Tom Barman, 2003), Todd Boyco in DRUG-TAKING AND THE ARTS (Dir. Strom Thorgerson, 1994), and Allen Midgette in CALDO SOFFOCANTE (translation - SUFFOCATING HEAT - Dir. Giovanna Gagliardo, 1991) which I haven't seen but the guy was in actual Warhol movies like LONESOME COWBOYS (1968) so maybe it's worth a look.

So again, how does the new guy Guy Pearce rate as Warhol? Let's take a look at the evidence:


FACTORY GIRL (Dir. George Hickenlooper, 2006) "You're the boss, apple sauce" Pearce as Warhol says early on to Edie Sedgwick (Sienna Miller) and that stands as some of the only believable dialogue in this glossy mess of a movie. Sedgwick was indeed a sad victim of 60's excess and her story could make an engrossing and profound film - but this sure isn't it. Despite the use of period methods like split screen and tilted angles - the aesthetic is purely TV movie quality and we're never convinced that we're anywhere but the current day with actors playing dress up.

The basic story is this - ambitious girl comes to the big city and falls into the wrong crowd and dies because of it. Got it? 'Cause there's nothing else going on here. I mean, the only artistic analogy this film tries to make is that Edie is like one of Andy's silver pillow balloons that floated away from his fragile Factory scene. This is displayed in a none too subtle shot of one of said balloons drifting upwards in the New York sky. Is that all you got in your bag of tricks, Hickenlooper?

Bob Dylan lobbied against this movie and wouldn't allow his name or music to be used so we have Hayden Christensen playing a character only billed as "musician" and referred to as "Billy Quinn" though a shot of a newspaper article has him called "Tommy Quinn". That's just one of the many things this film gets wrong. Dylan was right to protest (was he ever wrong to protest?) - the dialogue Christensen spouts is embarrassing and unfathomable that Dylan ever said such garbage : case in point - "Lady, you don't know shit about shit."

I get and appreciate that the premise is that Dylan offered a way out of the Warhol dungeon that Edie stupidly refused and that led to her downfall. It's just that it's such a simplistic dumbing down of their legacy that it leaves a disgusting taste in my mouth. But wait, what about Pearce as Warhol - the conceit of this entire blog-post? He's very good - maybe the saving grace of the entire project. I'd rate him between Bowie and Jarred Harris. He obviously did his homework. But back to the film - as Miller (who does more than a passable performance - the film's failings are far from her fault) as Sedgewick says at one point in the film "Andy took ordinary objects and made them iconic" - FACTORY GIRL, a misguided attempt to make a pop-art ALL ABOUT EVE, takes icons (Sedgwick, Warhol, Dylan) and makes them ordinary. Before seeing it I would have thought that would be impossible. I stand corrected.

Postnotes : I can't leave without mentioning that Warhol actually appeared in some films (always as himself) - in DYNAMITE CHICKEN (Dir. Ernest Pintoff, 1972) with Richard Pryor, TOOTSIE (Dir. Sydney Pollack, 1982), and BLANK GENERATION (Dir. Ulli Lommel, 1980) to name a few. As for television he did a fair share of guest shots - he even did an episode of The Love Boat for Christ sakes!

Also I have to mention that Hank Azaria voiced Warhol in a brief surreal dream bit on The Simpsons. I doubt when Warhol conceived his famous quote "In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes" he factored in the effect that a few seconds on the pop-culture juggernaut that is The Simpsons could have. To be fair he later amended the line to "In fifteen minutes everybody will be famous." Today that line is more apt.

More later...

Subterranean Homesick Redux Blues

"If you want to laugh at a movie, may I recommend A DAY AT THE RACES starring the Marx Brothers, ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN starring Frankenstein, THE THIN MAN - William Powell and Myrna Loy, ARSENIC AND OLD LACE, BORN YESTERDAY - Broderick Crawford and Judy Holliday, Billy Wilder's cross dressing classic SOME LIKE IT HOT and of course we can't leave out Ben Stiller in ZOOLANDER. I hear they're making a sequel." - Bob Dylan on his Theme Time Radio Hour - Laughter Edition (broadcast: 2/7/07)

Nice to have some comedy movie recommendations from Bob, isn't it? On the occasion of a release of a new Special Edition DVD of DON'T LOOK BACK, D.A. Pennebaker's ground breaking documentary of Dylan's UK solo tour in 1965, I thought it was a good time to pay tribute to it's immortal opening scene with a piece I call:

Subterranean Homesick Redux Blues

Here are 5 homages/parodies/rip-offs of Dylan’s “Subterranean Homesick Blues” short film (some call the first music video ever, but I’m not going there) with it’s card dropping, back alley in the broad-daylight basking, indifferent i.e. ‘cool’ posing put-offing, and funny word playing is a major pop-point of reference as evidenced here: 

1. BOB ROBERTS (Dir. Tim Robbins, 1992)


In many ways, Right-wing folk-singing Senatorial candidate Bob Roberts's career obviously apes Bob's (for example albums titled "The Freewheelin' Bob Roberts" and "The Times Are Changin' Back") so it's no surprise that the "Subterranean Homesick Blues" scene is satirized. Re-casting it as a glitzy pro-'80s corporate greed spectacle complete with Robert Palmer dancing girls and business men carrying bags of money is pure genius though. It's the kind of song you could imagine Gordon Gekko rocking out to.

2. Weird Al Yankovic: “Bob” (Music Video, 003) 

At first glance this is like any old parody of black & white Ginsberg-era Dylan but when you realize that every card contains a palindrome it’s quite a clever treat. Some are quite funny - “Lisa Bonet ate no basil", "a dog a panic in a pagoda", "do nine men interpret? nine men I nod" and "oozy rat in a sanitary zoo". Click on the the highlighted title and enjoy before YouTube removes it.

3. INXS: “Need You Tonight/Mediate” (Music video - 1987) 

In the “Mediate” bit of this double song video Michael Hutchence and fellow band members take turns tossing off stacks of cards with the mostly one-word lines to the song with the backdrop of some industrial lot on an overcast day. 

The ‘60s revival of the '80s was in full swing - witness the peace symbol t-shirt worn by Kirk Pengilly when he comes in to give a saxophone solo at the end.

4. Curiousity Killed the Cat: “Misfit” (Music video, 1986) Couldn’t find this on YouTube but pop-art God Andy Warhol himself fills Bob’s shoes and lends his particular brand of indifference to the card-dropping shtick. This time though in the popiest-artsiest sense the cards are blank! Maybe it’s pay-back for the time Warhol gave Dylan one of his paintings and Bob traded it for a couch. Ooops!

5. LOVE ACTUALLY 
(Dir. Richard Curtis, 2003) Yep, even a rom com got in on the act. Mark (Andrew Lincoln) declares his hidden feelings for Juliet (Keira Knightley) by holding up and of course dropping cards that line-by-line (with some pictures) form a love letter. Okay, so - it’s not that subterranean…

More later...