Robotic Re-Imagining Cops Out

Now playing at a multiplex near you:

ROBOCOP (Dir. José Padilha, 2014)

I’ve blogged before that sometimes the only worthwhile thing about a remake is that it reminds you of how good the original was. That’s definitely the case with this.

Paul Verhoeven’s ROBOCOP, which I first saw and loved as a teenager in the summer of 1987, was a hard R-rated sci-fi action satire that was as full of laughs as it was thrills. José Padilha’s new remake/re-imagining/re-whatever the hell you call it is only full of itself. It’s as streamlined and mechanical as the Robocop suit itself (now in shiny black!), and it only loosely resembles its way superior source material.

What it’s most lacking is a sense of fun. This is immediately apparent in what first-time screenwriter Joshua Zetumer came up with as a framing device involving segments of Samuel L. Jackson as a loud conservative cable-TV host who debates the ethics of using robots for law enforcement and asks his viewers “Why is America so robophobic?” 

With his obvious talking points and Al Sharpton-esque hair piece, Jackson’s character isn’t even developed enough to carry a 4-minute Saturday Night Live sketch – his only funny moment comes when one of his trademark blurts of “motherfucker” is bleeped.

Then there’s Gary Oldman as Robocop’s compassionate creator, a scientist for OmniCorp (OCP, Omni Consumer Products in the original), who works for a cold conniving Michael Keaton as CEO. Like Jackson, these are great actors, but they’re just talking cogs that take on tons of exposition that we have to wade through before our metallic hero even leaves the lab.

At least Jackie Earle Haley as Robocop’s trainer and Jay Baruchel as OmniCorp’s Head of Marketing have a few almost amusing moments, but still nothing worth quoting.

The virtually unknown Joel Kinnaman (well, I didn’t know who he is) is the new Robocop, who, like Peter Weller in the original, starts off as Detroit Police Officer Alex Murphy who gets killed by sinister forces and begins life anew as the cyborg property of a massive corporation.

Kinnaman is a likable enough presence, but his brand of angst is wrong for the character, but then so is this entire setup which has the unfortunate notion to make the slain cop’s wife (Abbie Cornish) a bigger part of the story. In the original, Weller’s wife and son thought he was dead and moved on, but here Cornish and 12-year old son (John Paul Rutton ) stick around hoping to get some quality time with what’s left (only part of his head, heart, lungs and one hand) of nearly dead dad.

These attempts at giving ROBOCOP more of an emotional element are strained and un-moving, the solving his own murder mystery thread goes down such a routine avenue, and the noisy and badly shot shoot ‘em up scenes contain no excitement.

Except for its seamless CGI and solid cinematography by Lula Carvalho (CITY OF GOD), ROBOCOP is a big formulaic fail on many levels, but if it gets some kid or kids to seek out the original then at least it’s succeeded in something.

It inspired me to re-watch Verhoeven’s ‘80s classic to see if it still held up, and it indeed does – from Weller’s sharply tough performance to choice turns by Nancy Allen, Ronny Cox, Miguel Ferrer, and especially Kurtwood Smith (best known as the surly dad on That ‘70s Show) as the vicious villain, to the KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE-style commercial parodies throughout. It remains a smart snarky spin on the action movie tropes of the Reagan era with a bit of Troma-type gore splattered throughout. Sure, it was schlock, but it was top notch schlock.

Padilha’s safe PG-13 version has no guts or glory, yet still wants to be taken seriously with all its talk of robot ethics and commentary on commerce. But it simply just doesn’t add up to anything even worth buying for a dollar.

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The original TOTAL RECALL gets a spiffy new Blu ray release today

In a perfect piece of cross-promotion, Paul Verhoeven’s 1990 sci-fi thriller TOTAL RECALL is getting a new remastered Blu ray release the same week that the film’s remake opens in theaters (Len Wiseman's version opens Friday, August 3rd).

Although the high-definition transfer contained on what’s dubbed the “Mind-Bending Edition” often draws attention to the dated effects, the original still holds up.

Even if you’re not an Arnold Schwarzenegger fan, it’s fun to follow him through the twists and turns of the incredibly intriguing premise which was loosely based on the 1966 Philip K. Dick short story “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale.”

Schwarzenegger plays a construction worker in the year 2084 named Doug Quaid (in the short story the character’s name was Quail, but at the time the Vice President was the heavily ridiculed Dan Quayle so you can see why they changed it) who gets more than he bargained for when he decides to get memories of a trip to Mars implanted by a company named Rekall.

Our hero opts for the “Secret Agent” package in which he gets to “get the girl, kill the bad guys and save the entire planet,” but he has a violent reaction to the procedure because his mind has been tampered with before because he actually is a secret agent with a Martian past.

Or maybe that’s the phony adventure memory Rekall implanted – the movie keeps you guessing, even after it’s over about whether it’s “all in the mind, you know” as George Harrison said in YELLOW SUBMARINE.

So Schwarzenegger’s marriage to Sharon Stone (later to star in Verhoeven’s BASIC INSTINCT) is a sham, and he’s on the run from goons headed by Michael Ironside under the rule of evil Mars Governor Ronny Cox (also a villain in Verhoeven’s ROBOCOP).

TOTAL RECALL is a successful blend of action and humor with a lot of cartoon violence (including some Tim Burton-esque eye-popping), and it just might have the most shots of people smashing through glass in a movie ever. Oh, and it also has a 3-breasted prostitute (thanks high-definition transfer!) who shows up in a sleazy Martian bar full of aliens that makes the Cantina scene from STAR WARS look pretty quaint.

There are only a couple of new special features on this Blu ray - an interview with Verhoeven, and a restoration comparison featurette. The commentary with Schwarzenegger and Verhoeven was recorded over a decade ago for a DVD release but I'm glad it reappears here because it’s really funny (mostly unintentionally) how they both go on about what’s reality and what isn’t in the film. Also Schwarzenegger notes all the sexual content in a way that I bet he wouldn’t if they recorded it today.

I hear the new version isn't a total remake because it doesn’t have a trip to Mars, but there is a 3-breasted Prostitute! Also Colin Farrell’s lead character is still named Quaid so there's that.

We shall soon see if they do as well with the material as Verhoeven and co. did back in the day.

If not, we’ll at least have this spiffy Blu ray of the original.

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BLACK BOOK: The Film Babble Blog Review

Now playing at an indie art house possibly somewhere near you:

BLACK BOOK (Dir. Paul Verheoven, 2007)

Paul Verhoven's first movie in sic years is a far cry from the glib futuristic satire of ROBOCOP (1987) and definitely more than just time-zones away from the glib psycho sexual trash thriller BASIC INSTINCT (1992).

Rachel Stein (Carice Van Houten) hides from Nazi's in 1944 Netherlands hiding her Jewish-ness under a blond curly dye-job and behind her charm which is the sole saving grace of this tedious over-stated film. Van Houten is a former singer (and she does sing beautifully in the only scenes that register emotion) who becomes embroiled in a plot by the resistance to infiltrate the SD (Sicherheitsdienst-Security Service) office run by officer Ludwig Mntze (Sebastian Koch). 

Koch is apparently a lovable Nazi (one that the movie stresses isn't as bad as the other cold blooded less attractive Nazis) therefore she falls for him. The plot thickens when members of the resistance may be as untrustworthy as their enemy.

After one wades through all the supposedly purposeful unpleasantness symbolized by the bucket of shit (yes I do mean an actual bucket of shit) that's poured on top of Stein and all the close calls and near-scrapes with Nazis it's hard to care who double crossed who and for what purpose. With an almost complete lack of directorial style and affecting acting edge, to steal a line from “Catch-22” (the novel, that is), it's impressive how unimpressive BLACK BOOK is.

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