Basic Instinct 2 Blues

"Its always easier to be nice to people when you don't have to see them." - Claire Fisher (Lauren Ambrose) Six Feet Under

A few weeks ago after seeing the poster for BASIC INSTINCT 2 in the lobby of the theater I work at part-time I tried to talk the owner out of showing it. He grumbled and mumbled something about never seeing the first one.

I went into a comical tirade against the first movie and the absolute idiotic existence of a sequel - cutting and pasting from the late great comedian Bill Hicks's rant over a decade ago:

"But you know I saw this movie this year called last year called er, 'Basic Instinct'. Okay now. Bill's quick capsule review: Piece-of-Shit. Okay now.

Yeah, yeah, end of story by the way. Don't get caught up in that fevered hype phony fucking debate about that Piece-of-Shit movie.

"Is it too sexist, and what about the movies, are they becoming too..." You're, you're just confused, you don't get, you've forgotten how to judge correctly. Take a deep breath huuh, look at it again. "Oh it's a Piece-of-Shit!"

Exactly, that's all it is. Satan squatted, let out a loaf, they put a fucking title on it, put it on a marquee, Satan's shit, piece of shit, walk away. "But is it too, what about the lesbian connotations..." You're, you're getting really baffled here. Piece-of-Shit! Now walk away.

That's all it is, it's nothing more! Horrible film. And then I come to find out after that film. that all the lesbian sex scenes, let me repeat that, all the lesbian sex scenes were cut out of that film, because the test audience was turned off by them. Ha. Boy, is my thumb not on the pulse of America.

I don't want to seem like Randy Pan, the Goat Boy, but er that was the only reason I went to that piece of shit.

If I had been in that test audience, the only one out front protesting that film would have been Michael Douglas demanding his part be put back in, alright? "I swear I was in that movie. I swear I was." "Gee Mike, the movie started. Sharon Stone was eating another woman for an hour and a half. Then the credits rolled. I err, I don't remember seeing your scrawny ass, Mike." "Was Bill Hicks in that test audience?" - Bill Hicks (1961-1994)

Well, our theater owner ignored my pleas and a few days ago I had to put the dreaded letters up on the marquee. I joked with my co-workers about putting up "SHARON STONE'S MID-LIFE CRISIS."

Friday, the film opened and barely anyone came. I walked into work on saturday and the owner said "you were right. Dead on arrival." 

Thats one of the nicer things said about the movie - "Botoxic" says New York Post writer Kyle Smith. He goes on to say "BASIC INSTINCT 2" is not an erotic thriller. It's taxidermy."

The word desperate comes up in a number of reviews funnily enough. I didn't gloat about being right - its a no-brainer I think to anyone reading this knew that the movie would suck and flop. Some day it'll be nothing than an entry on one of those "Celebrity Oops" list shows on like VH1 or that damn E channel.

More later...

Recent Raves

Chow Mo-wan (Tony Leung Chiu Wai): In the old days, if someone had a secret they didn't want to share... you know what they did? 

Ah Ping (Ping Lam Siu): Have no idea. 

Chow Mo-wan: They went up a mountain, found a tree, carved a hole in it, and whispered the secret into the hole. Then they covered it with mud. And leave the secret there forever. Ah Ping : What a pain! I'd just go to get laid.

Chow Mo-wan: Not everyone's like you. - IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE (Dir. Kar Wei Wong, 2000)

Again sorry for not posting for a bit - I've been too busy working 2 jobs to see many movies lately. 

Now I have a little time to write so I thought I'd babble 'bout not just movies but some music, books and other whatnot that I've been digging lately in a post I call : 

Recent Raves:

WAL-MART : THE HIGH COST OF LOW PRICE  (Dir. Robert Greenwald - 2005)

This may be full of information most already know (small long owned businesses being destroyed when a Walton family owned monstrosity rolls into town, scores of people who are on welfare while being employed by Wal-Mart, repeated crimes in their security-free parking-lots, etc) but Greenwald's heartbreaking documentary makes a convincing case that there may not be anything but EVIL at that discount superstore monopoly. 

Without much polish - no glitzy graphics or snappy soundtrack - this flick particularly got to me because the company I work for does some of the same shit. The movie is not all depressing doom - it does end on a hopeful note and the parody commercials are great: Betty Johnson (Susie Geiser) - I'm Betty and I'm a Wal-Mart associate. I love working at Wal-Mart! I love that they pay me less than min. (minimum wage) because that means I can't afford to eat as much and I get to keep my figure!" 

SNAKES ON A PLANE-Mania Internet Style : This hilariously titled upcoming Samuel L. Jackson action flick has created a flurry of web activity - satirical trailers (I actually can't tell the spoofs from the real thing - in fact I don't know if the poster image to the left is real or a joke), excited fan blogs, and even a promotional campaign that involves a songwriting contest - a winner get to have their homemade song on the soundtrack. I'm sure the premise of hundreds of venomous snakes set loose on a plane to kill someone testifying in a mafia case will inspire many a young starving musician. 

Apparently the movie had some re-shoots in which they added a line the Internet Movie Database says is expected to take on cult status: Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson): "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!" That's a badass line, sure. I'm just wondering if Jackson will say as he has in so many movies "this is some repugnant shit!" In fact I'm betting on it. 

If you haven't checked out the suberb site YOUTUBE you really should. Where else can you get William Shatner's riveting interpretion of Elton John's Rocketman , this great live-action version of the Simpsons opening done to promote the Simpsons syndication in Britain, and an archive of TV performances from the Kinks, Iggy Pop, the Specials, Funkadelic, and many other previously uncirculated goodies. 

My favorite find is the rare footage of 4 members of Monty Python appearing on a Texas PBS station in 1975. Recently discovered after being shelved for 30 years its unfortunately short (only 14 minutes because an engineer taped over the last bit) but a treat indeed to see. 

Kar Wai Wong's IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE and its bizarre follow-up 2046 I had been meaning to see IN THE MOOD... for a long time and the occasion of the release of its somewhat sequel 2046 announced that now is the time. 

Chow Mo-wan (Tony Leung) suspects his wife is having an affair with the husband of his neighbor Su Li-zhen Chan (Maggie Cheung). 

They form a friendship and a unique relationship develops. An achingly lyrical film that stayed with me for days. 2046 is as complicated as its title. 

Its a hotel room number, it is the last year before Hong Kong would be completely absorbed by mainland Chinese rule, and probably most important it is the name of a science fiction martial arts story that Chow Mo-wan is working on. 

Less poetic than its successor, disjointed and definitely too long 2046 is still worthwhile - incredible visuals, touching acting, and an unimposing soundtrack make it a fine companion piece. 

More soon...

The Film Babble Blog Top Ten Movies Of 2005

What with the Oscar nominations being announced last week, the Golden Globes, and all them magazine lists I figured it was high time I get off my ass and update this blog and list : Film Babble Blog's Top Ten Movies Of 2005 01 PALINDROMES (Dir. Todd Solondz) Though ignored when first released and completely forgotten this awards season I believe this film will leave more of a mark on movie lover's psyches in years to come than crap like CRASH. Although not a sequel to WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE Solondz sets this in the same world with Weiner family values, white trash ethics, and plenty of good ole character assassination fun! 02 MARCH OF THE PENGUINS (Dir. Luc Jacquet) Yes it's a documentary that could play any night on PBS with little fanfare and it's a simple premise and all. but what a film-matic treat any way you look at it! And yes I just simply love penguins. It's about time they had a movie. Okay?!!? 03 CAPOTE (Dir. Bennett Miller) One of the few deserving Oscars this year went to Philip Seymour Hoffman for his dead-on portrayal in this moving movie - respectful to the times and the crime yet unforgiving and brutal to the man in the spotlight. 04 THE SQUID AND THE WHALE (Dir. Noah Baumbach) Divorce 80's style with parents played by Jeff Daniels and Laura Linney and their troubled offspring (Jesse Eisenberg and Owen Kline) - harsh but sharp with a great soundtrack (Loudon Wainwright III, Bert Jansch, and the plagiarized Pink Floyd). 05 NO DIRECTION HOME (Dir. Martin Scorsese) It was only given a small theatrical release in LA and NY but this long awaited Dylan at his prime powerhouse may be the finest rock doc ever. Period. 06 SARABAND (Dir. Igmar Bergman) Made for Swedish TV in 2003 this updating of SCENES FROM A MARRIAGE (again, not a sequel) finds Johann (Erland Josephson) and Marianne (Liv Ullman) re-uniting after 30 years to look back over their tortured existence. Johann : "I've ransacked My past now that I have the answer sheet". Heavy, man. 07 ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW (Dir. Miranda July) Quirky but not cloying...and funny too. 08 WALLACE AND GROMMIT : THE CURSE OF THE WERE RABBIT (Dir. Steve Box & Nick Park) 09 HEAD ON (Dir. Fatih Akin) 10 ENRON (Dir. Alex Gibney) Another damn documentary but such a damn neccessary one. More later...